Newsletter: “These Four Words Lost Me My Daughter”

How to Talk to Your MAGA Loved One Without Pushing Them Further Away

We will not be doing a livestream this week. But check out last week’s recording if you missed it.

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“You’re brainwashed by Trump.”

Four words. That’s all it took to destroy a relationship that had survived everything else life threw at them.

“I just wanted her to see the truth. Why did that make it worse? Why did that lose me my daughter?”

This has become one of the most frequent questions I receive.

How can I talk to my family members who support Trump?

And I understand the desperation behind it. You’re watching someone you love disappear into a belief system that seems impervious to reason, evidence, or your pleas for them to “just think critically.” The truth is, facts often don’t free people from authoritarian groups.

Unfortunately, the same things people often say to their family members to help them are the same words the group told them you would use to attack them.

Why Your Approach Isn’t Working (And It’s Not Your Fault)

If you’ve been trying to help a Trump supporter in your life, you’ve probably tried

• Sending them the best, most official, fact-checked information

• Getting frustrated when they double down

• Eventually, avoiding the topic altogether (or avoiding them)

None of it worked. In fact, it probably made things worse. The attachment to an authoritarian leader is emotional, not intellectual. When someone joins a destructive group (and yes, MAGA functions as one), they’re not making a rational decision. They’re fulfilling emotional needs of belonging, purpose, protection, and identity.

When you challenge their beliefs with facts, you’re attacking their sense of self. When you tell them that their community is a cult, well… It feels insulting.

Of course, they defend it. You would too. The belief system isn’t rational, so rational argument doesn’t work. You cannot logic someone out of a position they didn’t logic themselves into.

But you CAN connect with the person still inside. And that connection is what eventually creates the space for them to think critically again.

The Five Phrases (And What Works Instead)

This is why I wrote 5 Phrases That Push Cult Members Deeper In (And What to Say Instead) for paid subscribers.

In this guide, you’ll learn:

• What NOT to say to your cult-entrapped loved one (the phrases that trigger defensive programming)

• What you CAN say that keeps the door open

• What the cult leader told them, you would say (so they’re pre-programmed to reject it)

• The mind traps and circular reasoning that keep people trapped

• Strategic Interactive Approach alternatives for each common phrase

These are the exact strategies I use in my work that have helped hundreds of families rebuild relationships with loved ones.

Get the complete guide here (paid subscribers only)

Paid Subscribers Get

When you upgrade to a paid subscription, you get access to our complete library on helping yourself, loved ones, and society. Here are a few valuable resources you will have access to.

Breaking Through Thought-Terminating Clichés

• How to engage with statements that end the discussion as soon as it starts

• How to recognize cliches meant to halt critical thought

Unusual Estrangement

• How to recognize when estrangement is caused by an outside force

• Patterns of unusual estrangement, and how to recognize them

A Look at Unhealthy Forms of Control in Parent-Child Relationships

• Identify whether coercive control exists within your relationships

• Learn the difference between normal tensions and unhealthy dynamics

Upgrade now for complete access to lives, weekly articles, and more for $5 USD/month.

Why Are We All So Divisive Right Now?

Why is this so hard right now? Why are so many families torn apart?

This isn’t happening by accident. In this week’s Cults, Culture & Coercion podcast, I spoke with Dr. James Scaminaci III, expert on Fourth-Generation Warfare (4GW), about exactly this question.

Dr. Scaminaci (Stanford PhD, former Naval intelligence officer, European Command analyst) explains how the United States is experiencing a “crisis of legitimacy.”

This is a coordinated psychological warfare campaign designed to…

• Turn neighbors against each other

• Destroy trust in all institutions

• Create “us vs. them” tribalism

• Make democracy itself seem impossible

• Prepare citizens to accept authoritarian “solutions”

This is why your family member won’t listen to reason, trusts only bad actors, and thinks YOU’RE the brainwashed one.

They’re caught in fourth-generation psychological warfare. I am beside myself that most people don’t even know this concept exists.

If you’re feeling lost and don’t understand how we got to this point, this episode will clarify everything.

Check out the full blog post with extended insights or listen wherever you get your podcasts.

Listen on Apple | Spotify | Watch on YouTube

MAGA Functions As A Destructive Cult

I was recently interviewed by The Daily Beast on exactly this topic.

In the interview, we discussed:

• How I got indoctrinated into the Moonies—and how I got out

• Exactly why I define MAGA as a destructive cult

• How Trump uses media to manipulate followers

• Why Democrats aren’t combating the Cult of Trump correctly (and what would work better)

• What I would say to Donald Trump himself if I could

This interview gives you the big-picture understanding of WHAT you’re dealing with. The paid guide gives you HOW to deal with it.

Read the article | Watch the video on YouTube

Take the BITE Model Assessment

Wondering if your loved one’s group is actually a cult, or just an intense political movement?

Our BITE Model Survey helps you assess where any group falls on the Influence Continuum^© from healthy community to destructive cult.

Take the free assessment at BITEmodel.com

Use this tool to:

• Objectively evaluate the group’s control tactics

• Understand which BITE elements are present

• Have a framework for conversations with family members

• Contribute to our research database

The answers to this survey will help our research team create actionable recommendations and tools to help cult survivors. We are grateful for all the participation thus far!

Remember, your loved one is not lost forever.

If you were once a cult member, I know you know this.

To family members, I know it feels that way. I know the frustration, the grief, the anger at watching someone you love become someone you don’t recognize.

But people DO leave authoritarian movements. I did. Thousands of others have. Your loved one can too.

The strategies in the “5 Phrases” guide work because they

• Keep the relationship intact (most important priority!)

• Plant seeds of doubt without triggering defenses

• Position you as safe, not threatening to their identity

• Give them permission to think

And you don’t have to do it alone. Our community of paid subscribers includes

• Parents navigating relationships with MAGA family (and vice-versa)

• Siblings navigating cult dynamics

• Couples in complicated marriages

• Mental health professionals supporting clients

• Former cult members who understand the process

Thank you for not giving up on your loved one. Thank you for being willing to learn a better way. Thank you for fighting the good fight. Let’s stick together.

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As always, please let us know what you think about these pieces or what you’d like to see us discuss in the future. Thanks so much!

With the onslaught of Artificial Intelligence (AI) programs, including ChatGPT, Gemini, Copilot, and others, Freedom of Mind® has registered itself as a trademark and has a trade-mark for BITE Model of Authoritarian Control™, a copyright for The BITE Model^© and Influence Continuum^©.