Shame-Sex Attraction: Survivors' Stories of Conversion Therapy
with Lucas Wilson, PhD
"Conversion therapy"—a discredited practice that purports to change an individual's sexual orientation and/or gender identification and expression—has harmed countless lives under the guise of morality. In a recent episode of Cult Conversations, I spoke to Lucas Wilson, an SSHRC Postdoctoral Fellow at the University of Toronto Mississauga, as he shared his harrowing experience with "conversion therapy" at Liberty University. His story serves as a testament to the perseverance of the unique human spirit and a warning against the devastating impacts of undue influence.
A scholar, editor, and advocate, Wilson's work sheds light on the intersections of evangelicalism, homophobia, and trauma. He is the editor of the forthcoming Shame-Sex Attraction: Survivors' Stories of Conversion Therapy, which compiles narratives from 17 contributors, offering diverse perspectives on a practice that major medical, psychiatric, and psychological organizations have condemned.
Wilson’s award-winning work includes At Home with the Holocaust: Postmemory, Domestic Space, and Second-Generation Holocaust Literature. His postdoctoral work includes fellowships at the University of Calgary, where he explored themes related to justice and equity, and at the University of Toronto Mississauga, funded by the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council, investigating evangelical homophobia and transphobia.
Wilson's public-facing writing appears on platforms like Queerty, LGBTQ Nation, The Advocate, and Religion Dispatches, among other venues. His personal experience at Liberty University, known for its strict moral code and harmful practices, drives much of his advocacy today.
The Reality of "Conversion Therapy"
"Now, I'm not a person of faith, but at the time I was, I was under the assumption that I had to become either straight or give up my faith. So, deciding to go to Liberty was, for me at the time, something important to me because I thought this was going to be an avenue for me to become straight."
Wilson's experience primarily begins with his decision to attend Liberty University, drawn by the promise of a so-called "conversion therapy" program that aligned with his then-evangelical beliefs. Over four years, Wilson underwent what the school termed "pastoral counseling," which included scripture readings, prayer sessions, and discussions rooted in a pseudo-Freudian approach to human sexuality and coercive persuasion. The process also involved close physical interaction with his conversion therapist, which Wilson remembers as invasive and uncomfortable. This process aimed to strip him of his queer identity—a core aspect of who he is.
The effects of "conversion therapy" were devastating. As Wilson recounted, the sessions cultivated deep feelings of guilt and shame, leading him to internalize the belief that he was inherently flawed. The programming emphasized that his failure to "change" was not due to the inefficacy of the therapy but rather a personal shortcoming.
This experience is mirrored in the lives of many other young LGBTQ+ individuals who feel they must undergo "conversion therapy" to align themselves with the teachings of the faith they follow.
The Mechanics of Undue Influence in "Conversion Therapy"
The tactics employed in "conversion therapy" mirror those found in other forms of undue influence and brainwashing. Liberty University's strict guidelines fostered an environment of surveillance and fear. Mechanisms such as pornography blockers and strict rules dictated personal behavior. Students must sign a strict honor code called The Liberty Way and are encouraged to report rule-breakers. Information control was evident as participants were fed selective narratives pathologizing queerness while queer-affirming perspectives were suppressed.
In the counseling sessions, individuals were subjected to thought control through prayer sessions and pseudoscientific teachings, which conditioned them to adopt heteronormative ideologies. Devastatingly, emotional control played a central role as guilt and repentance were emphasized, trapping participants in cycles of self-loathing and shame.
The History of "Conversion Therapy"
Central to the history of "conversion therapy" is Exodus International, one of the oldest and most influential organizations promoting "ex-gay" ideologies. Founded in 1976, Exodus operated internationally, with hundreds of affiliate groups across the U.S., Canada, and beyond. The organization was a powerhouse in advocating for conversion practices, often using religious rhetoric to validate its mission.
For decades, it influenced policies and perpetuated the myth that sexual orientation could be changed through prayer, counseling, and "gender-conforming" behaviors. However, Exodus faced increasing criticism as countless survivors spoke out about the harm they endured. By 2013, the organization disbanded, with its leaders admitting that their methods were ineffective and caused significant psychological damage. This acknowledgment marked a pivotal moment, demonstrating the growing recognition of conversion therapy's inherent flaws and devastating impact.
"It really was the powerhouse ex-gay organization that dominated a lot of these conversations and influenced a lot of these organizations, both in the past and today," Wilson noted.
The Path to Healing
For Wilson, healing began after leaving Liberty and embarking on a journey of self-discovery.
"…it was actually in the wake of leaving Liberty that I started to really feel a lot of the consequences of conversion therapy. Because for me, at the time, I was still a person of faith. I was a committed Evangelical, and I believed that God is good, and that God wanted me to change, that God wanted me to become straight — and I wasn't changing."
The destructive nature of the "conversion therapy" had led Wilson to internalize shame and self-hatred. Academia played a pivotal role, offering him language and frameworks to understand his experiences.
Engaging with queer-affirming communities and literature allowed him to reject the toxic theology he had once internalized. One of the most profound shifts for Wilson was reconceptualizing his faith. No longer bound by the binaries of evangelicalism, he began to see scripture as human reflections on divinity rather than immutable divine commandments.
"I will no longer allow theory and theology… to dictate my life. I'm, instead, going to live first and theorize later."
The Importance of Listening and Community
A recent Canadian study cited by Wilson underscores the two most impactful ways to support survivors of "conversion therapy": listening without judgment and reconnecting with affirming communities. Survivors benefit immensely from being heard and validated. Listening affirms their experiences and begins the process of rebuilding trust.
Additionally, reconnecting with a supportive queer community provides a safe space for healing and affirmation, countering the isolation imposed by conversion practices.
Wilson's story is not just about survival but also about transformation. It highlights the dangers of unhealthy influence while demonstrating the power of education, community, and self-acceptance.
As conversations around "conversion therapy" and undue influence continue, stories like Wilson's remind us of the urgent need for advocacy and awareness. Together, we can create a world where everyone can live authentically without fear or shame.
Resources
Wilson’s social media:
Instagram | Threads | Bluesky | Twitter/X | LinkedIn | Facebook | Academia
Wilson’s book:
Shame-Sex Attraction: Survivors’ Stories of Conversion Therapy
The Trevor Project - Suicide Prevention for LGBTQ+ Young People
Lawsuit claims LU urges conversion therapy for LGBTQ students, seeks end to Title IX exemption
GLAAD Media Reference Guide – In Focus: “Conversion therapy”
Related Articles
The New Apostolic Reformation’s War on LGBTQ Youth Needs to End!
“Conversion Therapy” is Dangerous and Abusive
Identifying and Healing Religious Trauma, with Darren M. Slade, Ph.D.
A valuable article Steven. We have communicated previously when I was part of cult information and family support in Australia. Some activities of churches certainly fall into coercive control and conversion therapy is in the top echelon. Dr Wilson's book seems an important documenting of painful stories of people told to fit in the box to live when they weren't designed for that box.